Englander Hilfe Aus Romania

1st-12th April 1993
Watford Rotaract / Inter-aid
Martin Hill (L/B Rotaract)

When Romania was released from ceausescu's tyrrany, one of the many horrible things to come to light was the terrible condition of the state orphanages. Watford Rotaract had put together an articulated lorry of goods for an orphanage there and driven it down a year or so before, and were keen to do it again. This time they were also taking paint and some tools to improve the look of the place. As someone with an offroad vehicle and some experience of travelling overseas, they let me tag along and help as best I could. As it was, I think & my Land Rover caused my trouble than I was worth!

This is just a diary of that time. I doubt it's interesting, but I'd written it up at the time and it might as well go somewhere

--Martin, Oct 2005

Preparation

Watford - lots of fund raising. Intermittent meetings. Turned up to second- last in a Land Rover with leaking radiator and no windows - dubious reception! Lots of prep of L/Rover - windows, sealing, seating roof, new radiator, adjusting fans, spares, etc. Didn't bother to fix the speedo, tried to fix the stereo. Really ought to change the oil. Forgot to get some money.
I gathered my co-drivers were apparently somewhat inexperienced. One had driven a motorbike only for years - the other had driven three times since passing her test a few months before. I checked my insurance and made sure the light guards were on OK.

L/B Rotaract sent me off with a few farewell drinks at the Black Lion.

Wednesday 31st

Bombed down motorway to Watford, add a bit of map reading to find Roberts house. Turned up at about 1am to find that early- morning-hung-over look on a mirror image and a nurse out of uniform (yah boo).

Flobbed about not quite going to sleep, drinking coffee and packing. Introduced the Land Rover to Jane & Rob (Jane, Rob, this is the Land Rover. I shan't introduce you to the Land Rover cos it's got no ears). The driver's door window fell in. Jane drove (in a kind of basket-makers way) to Phil-who-is- called-Simon's place.

Set off around London on the M25. About the M2, Simon (who is called Phil) decided to motor on ahead as the lorry didn't have a booking. The drivers still had to get the hang of the steering and we strip-the-willow'd down the slow lane.

Quick change of driver at the ferry queue to manoeuvre onto the boat and I completely failed to find first gear. I then left the fan on when we parked up, with the result that we'd only got as far as Calais and already we had to be towed off.

Waited a couple of hours for Phil and Simon, and picked up a couple of hitch hikers, smelling of stale beer and smoke and heading for "anywhere, really, as long as it's warm".

A lot of motorway driving, the lorry restricted to 50mph by law and us with no speedo. The new pair still didn't quite havethe hang of the steering and I spent a lot of time in the passenger seat watching overtaking cars in the middle lane screeching past on two wheels cos we'd just lurched into their lane. The rear prop shaft's u/j's were loose, and settling at a cruising speed resulted in a definite thrumming vibration from under the floor. Worrying - the prop shaft parted company with the transfer box in Ankara while piling up a side street, and I didn't really fancy it happening at 50mph on an autobahn.

Evening stop at Bad Camping/berg, milk and beer and I learned that Phil is in fact Simon, and vice versa. Heidi turned up with Frank, leaving Phil (who may be Simon) very disappointed. I found there's a slight problem with not bringing any foreign money - like getting food - so I scrounged off Robert.

Nice shower, etc.

Thursday 1st

8am start delayed to 9am - Simon's alarm wasn't put back. And we lingered a little over brekky.

Stopped for a mid-morning British workman's tea break; with kettle and football it lasted an hour.

Steering improved, less weaving into the middle lane to the relief of German motorists. Jane gets beaten up by the driver's window, a good, solid piece of Land Rover glass, falling on her head.

Easy border crossing into Austria.

The new radiator cap was set to too high a pressure for the ancient engine and the heater matrix valve sprang a water leak, together with an occasional oil leak. Cap changed for an old one but the water leak remained - topped up every stop.

Early in the evening (dark) it started to overheat. The lorry was busy hassling a pickup on a hill and didn't see us flashing, but we had to pull over into a service station. Not one of the standard super-slip lane variety but had to cross over the autobahn, stop, refill, back over and on again, then pedal to the metal to catch up. Reached Wien and Jane didn't notice the "End of motorway" or "Warning, Traffic lights" signs and almost zoomed through a red light. The lorry had pulled in to wait for us when they realised the lights that had been following them was not in fact us. Phil (who is only occasionally called Simon) was waiting on the roadside, waving a lot. Only the lorry was now stuck in a small side street and took a while to get out. After a few close misses I took over the Land Rover driving and didn't do any better.

Completely lost (although the navyguitars deny this) we toured Vienna, finally passing our Hotel Favourita twice in the search for a parking place. We parked as they went off to find somewhere larger.

A very posh hotel - the Vienna Roteractors are obviously a high-class lot. We gaped at the rooms and went down the nearest stairs to meet Phil and Simon in the bar, where we could see the entrance. Only they went up another set at that very moment. But they knew where to find us all the same.

The restaurant was closed so we went to a local neon-olde worlde cafe complete with an electric darts machine. After pondering over the menu (my German is not exactly fluent) we were told the menu outside had an English translation, exit stage front. No vegetarian dishes for Jane apparently except the (noodle?) soup, and we weren't allowed chips on their own. Noodle soup turned up to be two rather large and very meaty meatball soup. So we got a plate of chips (?) which we ate. Maybe my German is worse than I thought.

Collapsed in Jane & Rob's room, watched the wrestling, and finally crawled back eventually to Z's.

Friday 2nd

Eat-all-you-can breakfast (well stuffed) and met Wolfgang, our Vienna contact. He led us out of Wien to the motorway, a long, complicated route, but it was nice to follow a BMW for a change.

Got to the Hungarian border late in the afternoon. The Land Rover crossed in about an hour, and we stopped and waited and waited in a tourist trap just up the road. We did a bit of light work on the Land Rover (re-carpeting, trying to fix the stereo, took out the u/j's of the front prop shaft) which gradually became more tekky. Drank some beer. Started repair of rear prop shaft. Ate delicious (not) meal of pasta, tuna and baked beans, drank some more beer. Reset timing on diesel distributer pump. Drank more beer. Fixed the windows. Tightened up heater valve (fixed water leak). Waited a bit more, tried to clean hands properly. Given that it was late and we were too pissed to drive anyway, sorted out rear for a bed and took rear prop shaft off (immobilising the Land Rover) and started replacement of u/j's. Went to the loo a lot. Finally went to sleep, three in the bed, Jane on the bottom....

Simon & Phil turned up at 1am having got through just before the border closed for the night (8 hours after reaching it). Offered to get us a room in the motel but the thought of moving from our nice warm hole was too much so we went back to sleep.

Saturday 3rd

Woke up damp: the condensation on the roof was drip-drip-dripping onto our sleeping bags. Went looking for Phil & Simon, but the receptionist wouldn't let me wake them up "Because they came in so late last night". Fair enough. I finished the rear prop shaft. And we tried to clean our hands properly.
Turned the starter motor on and just got a "click" - classic completely flat battery symptom. Jump starting no good (Perhaps too flat? ?funny, no reason for flat battery...) so attempted to push start it down the roads between the motel houses, too much hard work with a diesel, and finally bump started it by towing with the lorry.

Stopped at the Elvis cafe late afternoon, half an airplane sticking out of a building. No money so we paid with odd bits of German, etc money. Tried to start the Land Rover again but same click - not a dead battery at all but a dead starter motor solenoid. Any starting from now on done with a large mole wrench shorting out the solenoid - lots of sparks and hot-welding marks on the wrench. Steering very much improved - tending to stick to the right shoulder, very relaxing.

Got to Hungarian/Romanian border late afternoon, about 3km down the queue. Queue jumpers overtaking resulted in a double queue down the road. A lot of very bored people. Made tea, told jokes, sang some Monty Python, pottered about. Missed my tobacco, lost the previous day. Walking down the road to have a look at the border a tall, pretty young thing sang "Always look on the bright side of life" to us. Obviously catching on.

Met some scouse's (? it means they're from Burmingam, apparently) further up the queue. They'd been there 4 hours longer, aiming for southern Romania with a load of pipes for a sanitation project (not an Iraqi super-gun at all, honest guv).

Drove (?) in shifts overnight, half-awake, moving a small gap each time, me in passenger seat with wrench to hand. Nightmares of the vehicles ahead suddenly disappearing off, waking up groping for gear lever (that's Rob's excuse) only to find nothing had happened.

Sunday 4th

All day we pushed cars rather than bother starting them, once using the lorry to push the L/R with a sleeping bag in-between. Our hunger did not quite reach the stage where a thought of a tin of tuna and beans and pasta was appetizing, although this may have been partially due to queasy stomachs from stuffing with chocolate biccies/etc. Passed the public loos - a wooden shack with shit piled on the seats rather than down the hole. Distinct lack of shelter about, and Jane avoided any drinks.

Reached the Hungarian side 22 hours after arrival at the queue, about 1km ahead of the scouse's. Chatted with the friendly guards - the tatty yellow Land Rover strikes again. Another hour and a half later we passed the Romanian side quite quickly, both vehicles still together, battered cornfield Land Rover getting a few more laughs.

Bombed along Romanian roads, through "typical" Romanian villages, avoiding the pot holes (that's my excuse for weaving) and past the rat-infested campsite I was at last year. Zoomed through Arad, past signs to Szegood (Ebeneezergood?) down progressively worsening roads to Sintana. Arrived in the orphanage late afternoon/early evening, two days late. The lorry with our supplies (food and paint), also due two days before, had not yet arrived. We were not surprised.

Ate some tough bread, (salted?) cheese, ham slices and rich salami. Curious train-crew folks already there, lots of tales, half brain- dead, full of ourselves and relief at having arrived at last. No beer and so to bed for an 8am rise.

Monday 5th

Breakfast not at 8am but later, thank goodness. Good, solid bread, mayonnaise/eggs, soured cheese, bacon. Nicely presented, but difficult to our delicate palates. Omnivores ate the bacon, the herbi's had more difficulty.

Still no lorry and plenty of surplus hands for the tools available, so I turned to fixing the Land Rover. Cleaned the starter solenoid. Still trouble starting - fuel stop pulled out... No worries.

Brief visit to house no 5? from previous year. Only the wife was there and she was unwilling to make decisions (about loaning step ladders etc) until her husband returned. Still looks good - a little cracking and peeling but generally bright, woodwork still solid.

Germans arrived - Klaus (advertising, public school accent), Claudia, Isabel, Thomas (a German with an Australian accent? And an Ozzie attitude...) and Krishna (Terminator type build).

Lunch (la Masa!) soup, meat & potatoes, orange. Romanians still feeding us.

Our only tea & coffee supplies were from the "emergency" set in the Land Rover. Carefully counted out the tea bags and worked out minimum no. bags per tea round. Brewed up a set, first tea for days for some folks. Coffee almost exhausted. Used bags were carefully stored in a pot for re-use later.

Bit of woodwork, unibonding, sand papering, concreting the outside wall.

Arad run in Land Rover? Cash and attempt to contact InterAid to find out anything about the supply truck. Just the answering machine - the contact was in the truck. More beggars but otherwise much like any other city. Pedestrians slower and very little laughter, unlike countryside. Is that typical or are we just noticing cos we're looking? Very few really attractive girls... (who said that?)

Dave started patching up the external wall, doing it properly with sieved sand. Amateurs slapped it on the wall and watched it fall off, gradually getting the hang of it. Apparently it'll "hang soft". After a bit it hardens you give it a good rub to make it hang right...

Afternoon tea... Someone tidily threw away the old tea bags and the new ones went AWOL. Life without tea... It's just not on.

Beer run to cafe, 40 beers for 40DM. (40p/bottle). My attempt to help the communication also wrecked the haggling.

Evening meal - a whole plate of spinach (still no muscles).

Brief visit to the main orphanage across the road where the kids slept while we worked, but they were all in bed.

Krishna noticed the remains of my pipe tobacco and supplied me with cheap Hungarian smokies. We stood outside in the cold and puffed away.

Philosophical discussions about all things British and German; the second generation since 1945. (Don't mention the war! Anyone for any Goebell's Salad?)

Late night drinks (sad lot!) ??? Jane and the boys, bit of massage

Tuesday 6th

Cementing, Sanding, waiting for paint.

Spinach lunch?

Had a visit from Mr Personality the Plaster who "showed" Dave how he ought to do plastering. Dave nodded a lot and said yes, not entirely convincingly. Jane was even less convincing.

Possibly today - the lock of our bedroom finally refused to yield to the key. Resorted to crowbar. Stripped and attempted to rebuild but couldn't get it to work - very worn! - wrong key?

Evening trip to the local cafe (let's be ethnic) Phil, Simon, Me, Thomas, Russell and The Bear. Met House Number One Daddy and friends who bought us lots of drinks. Simon, not a hardened drinker, avoided the beer and received huge wine-sized glasses of whisky. Steaming. Thomas visited the toilets - two very smelly holes in the ground - and after ½ second came out and retched against a tree. Calls himself an ozzie? It's just not on.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Jane was indulging in a little massage.

A Gypsy hassled Thomas, wanting his coat with the sheepskin buffalo on the back (feely feely) and a scrounger on the table nicked Phil's beer. We all toasted The Wanker!

Daddy no 1 invited us home - although when he tried to stand up he had some difficulty. Got to his house to find his wife up waitingfor us. We were as polite as we could be in our splirificated state, and decided it best not to sit down in his kitchen for a rave up. So he took us around his farm - his muskrats (for making hats), his conversational pigs, his geese, and the barn with enough room to swing a mother goose. We left after a brief (and hushed) conversation with the Swiss au- pair in German.

Simon completely hammered, Russell legless and Thomas still reeling from the after- effects of the toilets. Just no stamina in today's youth.

Wednesday 7th

Daddy No 1 woke up with an aching head - although whether due to hangover or his wife's rolling pin he wasn't sure.

Cementing, sanding, clearing rooms.

Germans set out to visit Arad and Isabell? immediately ran their VW combie into a ping-pong table made out of concrete. Dinged rear and smashed lights. A borrowed car too - "feel free to use it just as long as you don't damage it".

Attempted a paint run to Arad. Visited about seven places but the only stuff available was Romanian poster paint - our guides didn't even think it worth putting on the interior.

During the meanwhilst about midday the paint arrived - and the food, chocolates, equipment, and tea... Celebrations!

Bought some bread & cheese & red wine in a green bottle (today?)

Or germans bought some bread & cheese and sausage which we all ate.

Our last Romanian masa - tomatoes and potatoes.

Unibonded the first (to-be-green) room.

Dave and Thomas got up to some strange things in the shower with a camera. Male Bonding?

Simon massaged?

A corridor chat turned into a late-night sesh in the end (to-be-blue) room - more bonding for the non-Watford males.

Thursday 8th

First coat on windows outside, first on green & magnolia rooms - comments

Tomato Soup (+ Rob's peanut croutons)

Made ladder. Karen's outburst. (& apologies). Scrubbing to-be-blue room - rebel arabs. Kids pop in to half-complete rooms and seem to like it.

Evening bar sesh. Load of folks. House No 5 daddy, Roulette Game. Wine... (Backs to corners) "Live my life"

Friday 9th

Green room & Magnolia rooms touched up (ooer), time getting short. Gave Blue Room first coat...

Lots of packing, cleaning spilt paint, rearranging furniture. Equipment too needed cleaning - even "tired" paint brushes were saved and cleaned and dried.

Fixed a cabinet that had been broken when someone fell onto it. Looked at repairing another,. but had no small screws and larger ones would have been dangerous, poking out the back. Only later did I remember a whole load of ideal, small screws in my toolbox...

We were gathered into the central courtyard and were given a wee speech of thanks and some little wooden whistles. Krishna said, in English, he was "close to tears", which summed up most of us, I think.

Treated to a formal farewell dinner, with Music, Bread and sausage, chips, rice castles, battered cutlets, completely stuffed. Copious amounts of Schnapps & cigarettes. One of the staff had, misunderstanding my explanation of my failed attempt to fix a lock, had thought I had wanted him to take it apart. We bought 2 pigs for the orphanage, called (poetically) Watford and Bad Honking or something. (Homburg?).

Reeling and stumbling, gathered up Trinity's cooking equipment, my kit and odd bits of Land Rover, then off to bed.

Saturday 10th

Woke up (sort of) still hammered, 1½ hrs PLO wrapped. Jane still tipsy. Loaded up Land Rover.

Left, Thomas & I comotose in the back, him trying to get on top. Stopped after R border (15 mins) and T & I went on a bit to get coffee and an early morning shot of rum. Where we were was dark and though we could see the Land Rover they couldn't see us - prompting celebrations.

Elvis cafe again, this time with a completely wrecked truck driving off down the road

Hungary/Austrian border, got some cash at last. Tried boiling some coffee and gave up and bought some instead. Saw our lorry go past a parallel slip road, so we set off only to see it waylaid at a final barrier. Waited (Jane with it) while they found they should have had other papers from the previous border (not got cos no-one at window).

Thomas' driving good if somewhat noisy...

Arrived hotel 2pm, shower water black.

Evening in Vienna. Jane & Simon's lack of subtlety. Thomas's enthusiasm for showing off Wien - and his lack of understandin, vis a vis Wiener schnitzel. A Cafe we simply must go to (very crowded). A Pub/Brewery where we met some local Rotaractor's and signed their book. On exit we realised Thomas was now completely phased out, the tubes weren't running, luckily the Taxis were.

Sunday 11th

Early (8am?) rise for breakfast - and an easter egg courtesy of the Hotel. Thomas failed to surface before the end of the stuff- all-you can breakfast. We knocked on his door to say Good Morning and watched him stagger around a bit - a sad sight! We left him for bed, and zoomed off towards home.

A long way away...

Took a session in our Lorry, which was just ticking over at the maximum 50mph. Behind, the Land Rover was straining to keep up...

Frankfurt.

Weiskirchen. Met up with the rest of the German crew for dinner at a service station. Were they expecting to pay? Krishna certainly wasn't...

Tired.

Monday 12th

Left passport behind. Fast run back 10:30 , catch up 13:30 just before running pout of diesel (one service station wouldn't take credit cards...) they'd stopped to have lunch. Quite speedy L/R. Last few secrets of the L/R - how to shut the driver door.

Borrowed 15DM from Rob for dinner, 78Fl from Jane for tobacco,

Arrive Calais - no ferry ticket. Fallen out of Jane's backpack somewhere along the line. Re-issued - Phil not a happy man. Potter over ship - Duty free - Apfelcorn!! saw Range Rover being towed about. L/R didn't start on other side - jump started??. Wait behind service station and ring home to make sure door's etc not bolted.

Hang around for lorry, then off we go (and split up) to home. Stay over at Jane's, tour of Watford in the morning. What to say? Everything or nothing, so copped out and said nothing. Pottered on home, parked L/R. Must change the oil sometime...

Excellent Immature Quotes

Understanding Romanian