Martin Hill
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"A lot of people think that the Territorial Army are not real soldiers. We are. We are well trained, highly disciplined fighting machines ready for war. We're just not available during the week." - Gareth from 'The Office'

"Like so many columnists, I am here employing the phrase 'of course' in its secondary meaning of 'I've just looked it up'" - Craig Brown in The Daily Telegraph (The Week)

"That herd of independent minds" - Harold Rosenberg on the New York intelligentsia (The Observer/The Week)

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society" - Mark Twain

Hitch Hiker's Guide to The Galaxy Quotes

Alright, it's easy to find quotes from HHGTG, but they're still great.

"You'd better prepare yourself for the jump into hyperspace. It's unpleasantly like being drunk.'
'What's so unpleasant about being drunk?'
'You ask a glass of water."

"Please relax,' the voice said pleasantly, like a stewardess in an airliner with only one wing and two engines, one of which is on fire, 'you are perfectly safe."

My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore excused from saving universes.

The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

You barbarians! I'll sue the council for every penny it's got! I'l have you hung, drawn, and quartered! And whipped! And boiled...until...until...until you've had enough! And then I will do it again! And when I've finished I will take all the little bits, and I will JUMP on them! And I will carry on jumping on them until I get blisters, or I can think of anything even more unpleasant to do...

Ah, this is obviously some strange use of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of.

Arthur: You know, it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.
Ford: Why, what did she tell you?
Arthur: I don't know, I didn't listen.

It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.

"Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. "

"Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mindboggingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God.
"The argument goes something like this: `I refuse to prove that I exist,' says God, `for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.'
"`But,' says Man, `The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't.

"OK, so ten out of ten for style, but minus several million for good thinking, yeah? " - Zaphod

"In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. " - The Book

"For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen. "

"You're very sure of your facts, " he said at last, "I couldn't trust the thinking of a man who takes the Universe - if there is one - for granted. "

"One's never alone with a rubber duck. "

"He expanded his chest to make it totally clear that here was the sort of man you only dared to cross if you had a team of Sherpas with you. "

"Ford had his own code of ethics. It wasn't much of one, but it was his and he stuck by it, more or less. One rule he made was never to buy his own drinks. He wasn't sure if that counted as an ethic, but you have to go with what you've got."

"Arthur felt at a bit of a loss. There was a whole Galaxy of stuff out there for him, and he wondered if it was churlish of him to complain to himself that it lacked just two things: the world he was born on and the woman he loved."

"The thing that used to worry him most was the fact that people always used to ask him what he was looking so worried about."

I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed
- Marvin the paranoid android, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

I'm not getting you down at all, am I?
- Marvin the paranoid android, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Pardon me for breathing, which I never do any way so I don't know why I bother to say it, oh God, I'm so depressed.
- Marvin the paranoid android The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Funny, how just when you think life can't possibly get any worse it suddenly does.
- Marvin the paranoid android The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Do you want me to sit in the corner and rust, or just fall apart where I'm standing?
- Marvin the paranoid android The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Would you like me to go and stick my head in a bucket of water?
- Marvin the paranoid android The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Life's bad enough as it is without wanting to invent any more of it.
- Marvin the paranoid android The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Wearily I sit here, pain and misery my only companions.
- Marvin the paranoid android The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Why stop now just when I'm hating it?
- Marvin the paranoid android The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it.
- Marvin the paranoid android The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

I won't enjoy it.
- Marvin, the Paranoid Android

Well I wish you'd just tell me rather than try to engage my enthusiasm.
- Marvin, the Paranoid Android

Why should I want to make anything up? Life's bad enough as it is without wanting to invent anymore of it.
- Marvin, the Paranoid Android

Life! Don't talk to me about life.
- Marvin, the Paranoid Android

We have a saying up here. "Life is wasted on the living."
- Zaphod Beeblebrox the Fourth (deceased)

Wearily on I go, pain and misery my only companions. And vast intelligence, of course. And infinite sorrow.
- Marvin, the Paranoid Android

"Now the world has gone to bed,
Darkness won't engulf my head,
I can see by infra-red,
How I hate the night."

He paused to gather the artistic and emotional strength to tackle the next verse.

"Now I lay me down to sleep,
Try to count electric sheep,
Sweet dream wishes you can keep,
How I hate the night."

- Marvin the Paranoid Android, HHGTG

Physics/Geeky Quotes

"Two Body Problem" - couples finding work together in astronomy/science


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